Amy's Posts - Stories, Recipes, Photos & Ideas
My husband Mike is obsessed with "smart bulbs" and "smart sockets" now, so instead of clicking a button now I have to ask Alexa or Google Assistant to turn on my lights.
But do I say, "Hey Google, turn on the bedroom lights?"
Nooo....that would be too easy.
Mike gave all the lights names. I have to walk into the bedroom and say "Alexa, turn on Hanky and Panky." That turns on our two bedroom lamps. And in the front room, I have to say "Hey Google, turn on Love and Hope." That turns on the two family room lights. But that also means when I turn them off, I have to ask Google to TURN OFF HOPE AND LOVE. And when I do, Mike looks at me disapprovingly and clucks his tongue, shaking his head sadly...like I've ruined all his hopes and dreams.
You can see your husband's quirks in a new light
My husband/muse, Mike, has a lot of...let's say idiosyncrasies. I'm used to them and they make great character tics in my novels...but in new situations I never know how they might manifest. For instance, he's overly polite. To the point where he's practically knocked me into traffic to make room for someone approaching from the other direction - someone he's never met and will never meet again, and someone who probably won't even help him shovel me off the asphalt. Between him and the 700 speeding bikers (like 10 speed, not like Hell's Angels) it's a miracle I survived our morning walks. He was also paranoid we'd be to loud in our condo and insisted we whisper until about noon and watch all our television at level one with the close captioning on. If you could see me listening to television sound again, it would be like watching a Hallmark special where a woman regains her hearing.
Mike and I visited his mom in Florida and then stuck around to avoid the miserable weather in Maryland. We went to Bern's Steak House in Tampa, which is amazing if you're ever in the area.
The place has 600k bottles of wine so we didn't run out! Ha!
I was sitting on my exercise bike when a commotion just outside the basement doors caught my eye.
It was this squirrel trying to drag 50ft of weed blocker up to his nest.
I only wish I had video of it... I took this picture a day later but he didn't take the bait this second time. When I saw him the first day, he dragged that whole roll across the stones and up the stairs towards his tree before finally giving up. Yanking, wrestling, rolling...
At one point he was stuffed up in the corner against the glass trying to shove it all in some non-existent pouch on his tummy. He was going to get that up the tree if it killed him. I don't blame him. At the time, it was about 2 degrees.
Squirrels are insane.
One of the funniest short stories I ever read was about man vs. squirrel and it ended with the squirrel running full speed into the screen door and using it to bounce off and onto the bird feeder the man had tried so desperately to keep him from. I wish I could remember who wrote that!
More Proof My Husband is an Idiot
I don't make this stuff up. We bought a motion detection camera and my husband has been having a ball playing with it. So I wasn't totally surprised when I received the following video while at the dentist. He sent me a text telling me to quick look at the camera feed because something horrible was happening!!!!!
My niece is spending her next six months at the Naval Academy in Sweden. She stayed at our house for the few days before she left, and while those of you with children won't find any of the shocking events that unfolded surprising --- I am constantly amazed.
Yay! Thank you to everyone who bought Winter Whodunnits and made me (and many of my writing buddies) USA Today Best-Selling Authors! After Amazon ruined the last attempt this was a HUGE relief. So much work goes into these things. I really appreciate it!!
Then there was the day we walked 20,000 steps...
I don't know where you live, but here in Maryland it's been about two degrees for over a week now. It's driven Mike and me to the mall, where we can walk without dying of exposure.
I survived Christmas dinner. In fact, it couldn't have been more perfect, so clearly my brother hired out. Ha! No, he and his wife did a great job. I'm the one that screwed up making a chocolate pie with unmelted sugar in it that crunched when you ate it. Had to scrap it and reheat the chocolate and make super dense mini fudge pies instead. Ah well, the nieces scarfed them down, which was the point anyway.
Mike and I took a quick vacation to Naples, Florida, where apparently they hand out Porsches and Bentleys to everyone who moves there. The place was beautiful and wildly out of our league, but it was fun to pretend for a few days.
If you're ever there picking up your free BMW, be sure to stop at Tulia - we try never to eat the same place twice but had to repeat our visit there. Fabulous Italian food! We also really enjoyed Jane's Garden Cafe for breakfast after we took our morning walk through the mansions.
It's that time of year when I get the urge to sit around with an eggnog watching holiday movies. My husband and I watch the same ones every year, so to make sure we're not missing any good ones, I thought I'd share them with you as a handy guide and you can let me know if I'm missing any winners!
Anybody have an aging puppy?
My baby is going on twelve and a half now. About two years go he started getting creaky - slow to get up, back legs a little shaky...he stopped jumping into the bay window (which he used to love like some kind of over-sized cat) and started struggling to jump on our ridiculously high bed.
It was all breaking my heart.