wall street journal bestselling author
amy vansant bestselling author
USA Today bestselling author

I should have known better. I used local Ebay once before and the guy showed up to pick-up my enormous bureau, alone, with one arm. He weighed about seventy pounds soaking wet (it might have been eighty before the arm went missing). I mean, sorry about the wing clipping, but maybe give me a  heads-up to have someone around or bring a friend? Instead, I dug deep for Hulk strength to help him get it in his truck.

But that was nothing compared to our latest Ebay fiasco. We sold our embroidery machine, which weighs approximately one million pounds. I warned the winner of the auction repeatedly how large the machine was and told him he'd need three or four large men to move it across our rough, uphill yard. He said little. Finally, driving from several states away, he said "we'll be there in two hours" and I thought, he said we. Thank goodness. He finally listened.

Nope.

When he arrived, I watched his gray-haired wife spring out of the passenger seat a wrestle a contraption from the van. She was hunched with age.

"I'm the workhorse!" she announced.

"Nope." I said the word out loud, suffering more flashbacks of one-armed men than Dr. Richard Kimble.

The contraption in her hand turned out to be her husband's walker, which she trotted to the driver's side so he could use it to slowly roll himself towards me. It had a chair built into it, so he could rest every few feet.

Am I on Punk'd? Are they reviving Candid Camera again?

I waited for the the strapping young movers to pile out of the back of his mini-van, but, nope.

The worst part was when we slowly walked around back to show him the machine my husband and I had spent all morning rolling from the back of the basement to the patio, Pa Walker said, "That's just like our other one."

So he knew exactly how heavy it was.

The monster machine needed to be rolled to the front of the house, over rough grass and up a hill, so I made Ma and Pa shuffle off to Home Depot to buy thick sheets of wood (which also weighed a ton) so we could build a boardwalk and roll the machine from one to the next over the grass, running the one in the back to the front as we made slow and steady progress. This took me, my husband Mike, and two of our strongest neighbors to accomplish. I'm still out of breath.

Pa watched and barked suggestions from his rolly-walker. Ma we had to shoo away as she fluttered around us looking like a pale wet rag, unable to help, grumbling about the two G.I. bleeds she'd suffered the month before.

Probably, because her dippy husband has her carry the whole refrigerator to him when he wants a beer.

Giveaways

book giveaway

Enter to win a virtual "gift basket" of ebooks AND get access to free & 99c books.

 

Enter Giveaway

WIN A KINDLE FOLLOWING AUTHORS

Win a Kindle

Follow authors on social media and enter to win one of SEVERAL Kindle Readers!

Enter Giveaway

NEW RELEASE

 

GET THEM ON AMAZON!

JOIN AMY'S NEWSLETTER

Deals, tips, funny stories, recipes, free books...Don't miss out on the fun!

Please enable the javascript to submit this form

Latest News

Kilty #6 will be here soon!
Kilty #6: Kilty as Hell coming in July!
RELEASE: Shee McQueen Pack (books 1-3)
RELEASE: Shee McQueen #3 - The Girl Who Killed You
RELEASE: Pineapple Podcast (#15)

AuthorsXP

Interested in book deals, giveaways, opportunities to work with authors and MORE?

Check out Amy's site for authors and readers: AuthorsXP.com!